Tuesday, February 16

Rescue Team Disappears in the North




WULDRAM SHORES — Who rescues a rescue mission?  Mr Pendle, of the Clockhaven Wireless Telegraph Service, has confirmed that the CWTS has lost all contact with the rescue expedition which was launched to attempt to aid Dr A Falkone of the Clockhaven Power Station.

Dr Falkone journeyed north alone some weeks ago, via the airship Carpetia, attempting to ascertain why contact was lost with the northern Aquila IX Station in Wuldram Shores.  Shortly thereafter, New Babbage also lost contact with Dr Falkone.

In response, a rescue mission was formed, though an certain air of mystery surrounded the effort. Attempts by the Free Press to discover precisely who were members of the rescue team were firmly rebuffed by members of City Hall.  Eye-witness reports, however, have suggested Mr J Rite, head of security at the Murgam Asylum, and Miss B Strifkly, an orderly at the Murgam Asylum, were very strong candidates.  Mr Carnagak, owner of the Murgam Asylum, could not be reached for comment as to how the asylum was involved in the rescue effort, at the time of publishing.

Whether or not Captain B Hinreeks, of the New Babbage Militia, was a member of the now missing rescue party could not be confirmed.  Mr R Bolono of Wheatstone, volunteer member of the New Babbage Militia, was quoted as saying "I will not say for certain that [Cpt. Hinreeks] is not here, and I will not say for certain that she is here, but I really will not say she is not here."

Mr Pendle of the CWTS said he lost contact with the rescue team when they encountered another airship in an ice storm in the Hildskal Mountains, but would not confirm pirates were involved.

A representative of City Hall told the New Babbage Free Press that there are currently no plans to form another rescue team.

Thursday, February 11

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,
Why is it that city officials are allowed to pull manifest destiny on a private business?  I cannot tolerate to buy business and harassment of my customers, not to mention the staff, NOT MINE, helping themselves to my stock every time I have to go in the back room.
sincerely, Piss Out Of Clockhaven

Dear Free Press,

Is there anything happening on Valentine's day? At all? I'm starting to get worried that something dreadful might happen soon, and am in need of some light-hearted merriment. As it stands, Valentine's day is only 3 days away, so perhaps that would be a good day to have fun.
Signed, Concerned Citizen

Dear Mr. Penrose, et al.
I am not typically the sort to complain or express moral outrage despite what people may say at the bingo hall. Nevertheless I feel it is my duty as a concerned citizen to both complain and express my moral outrage at a most egregious affront I was forced to endure in the park this afternoon at the hands of a hooligan wearing a ridiculous Pickelhaube helmet.
I want to state very clearly—I in no way encouraged this attack upon my dignity. With spring now upon us I was enjoying a quiet walk with my little shih tzu, Sue. The park has always been our go-to spot for an afternoon relief walk. I was aware Master Eliot was running his annual pancake race just up the road. It must be nearing a decade since that young absinthe enabler started organizing the pre-lent event. I would have watched but it is my understanding gambling often occurs at these races so I keep a respectful distance.
But I digress; the afternoon was beautiful. Sue and I were in our bliss when this madman  (who I have little doubt was a foreigner), brandishing a frying pan, screamed at me to get out of his way. He was running right at Sue and I. It was terrifying; he looked like one of those crazy people that are rightfully locked up in the asylum. I stood my ground. I’m not one to be cowed by bullies. I planted my hands on my hips and said, ‘Sir you will address me as Madame and doff your silly hat. I am a lady.’ It was then that he did it, he made a rude hand gesture and said words that moral righteousness will not permit me to put in writing—and the cad said those foul words in front of my shih tzu, Sue! Has he no shame? What in the name of the Builder has come of New Babbage!
Sincerely, Ms. Agnes Donoghue, Concerned Citizen

Hey Free Press,
A little birdie told me that a certain sneaky squire has left the Gangplank. I hear he quit his job as a bartender and ran off to work somewhere else. Sounds like a lead, don't you agree?

Wednesday, February 10

Annual Pancake Race Marred By Cheating Claims




New Babbage, NB  — The annual Pancake Toss Race was held again yesterday afternoon in the Canals District, at Doyle's Place, directly in front of Ruby's Public House.  This year's race was a circuit of the circumference of Steampunk Park.

The race, as is usual, was held in three sub-races, those being: Children's Race; Adult's Race; and All-In-One.

The Children's Race, and the All-In-One, were won by young master Jimmy Bracket, who has won several times in the past. "Oy's oike ta thank everyone faw their support awl year." he told a reporter of the Free Press yesterday afternoon, directly after his win.

The Adult's Race was the subject of some controversy, as charges of cheating were bandied by some in the crowd.  The winner of the race was ostensibly one Mr R Boloney of Wheatstone, though some have challenged his win, claiming he cut through the park during the run.  "It is quite true, I saw him duck into the park after having some trouble getting a good speed up after the shout of go was called." said a Mr R Upton of Babbage Square, to a representative of the Free Press.

"Nonsense." said Mr R Boloney, himself.  "They're all just jealous. Is it a cash prize?"