Cemetery Heartlessly Emptied Onto Canal

BODIES LAID OUT ON ICE

DIRT ALLEGEDLY BEING SOLD ON BLACK MARKET

ZOMBIES ON THE HORIZON?

Babbage Square, NB — It is not easy to rest in peace when your terminal resting spot is being dug up and place out to cool on ice, as the many permanent residents of the Babbage Square Cemetery recently found out.

"Pretty routine operation, actually." said Mr R Feldman, of the New Babbage Parks Department to a reporter from the Free Press earlier today.  "It's tougher to get the ground open at this time of year, but that's offset by the benefit of being able to use the Grand Canal as a holding area."  When asked the reason for the removal of the bodies, he refrained from commenting.

Many citizens, however, have their own theories.  "I have no doubt that the magical properties of the grave dirt are being exploited on the black market." said a Mrs P Foxhouse, of Coronet Gardens, while a Mr T Grapehead of Babbage Canals believes, "It's got something to do with zombies, I bet.  They likely found out the ground was poisoned with something, and if they didn't change the first people would rise as zombies.  Oldest story in the world."

A representative from Town Hall has informed the Free Press that the reburials will begin presently, and should be finished before thaw.

DIED

COURTMAN  — Villain, shot down by Militia bullets, in this city on Saturday 5 January.  Henry Courtman, aged 55.

DOE  — Suddenly, by bullet, in Wheatstone.  John Doe [name unknown] aged aprox. 36 - 44.

DORCHESTER  — In her residence, after prolonged illness.  Venetta Dorchester succumbed to consumption on Monday 7 January, aged 52.  Survived by son, Roland.  Body was interred in Babbage Cemetery.

FLYNT — Suddenly, by bullet, in Wheatstone.  Marcus Flynt perished whilst consumed by brain fever, aged approx. 26 - 28.  Body held at Jefferson Way Mortuary

GRISWOLD  — In his residence in Clockhaven.  Russel Griswold died in agony, surrounded by his wife, Moon; and his two daughters, Catherine and Victoria, aged 38.  Cause of death was food poisoning.  Funeral service was held at the Cathedral of the Builder, and body will be interred at Babbage Cemetery.

HARPER  In this city, due to illness.  Rhodolite Harper died of pleurisy and inflammation of the chest, aged 48.  It is requested that no flowers be sent.

MacTAVISH  Suddenly, in the Academy, by fall.  Donald MacTavish, steeplejack, died Sunday 6 January after falling from a great height while repairing the flues at Brunel Hall, aged 32.  Funeral service will be held at the Cathedral of the Builder when he lands.

QUICK  In her residence.  Elise Quick, found deceased due to unforseen complications.  She is survived by an infant daughter and several likely ex-husbands.

SANTANA  — Suddenly, by stray bullet, in Wheatstone.  Juan Santana was struck by a stray bullet from the sky in west Wheatstone and died instantly, aged 34.