Destruction in Coronet Gardens

BUILDINGS FLATTENED

CITIZENS REPORT CAVORTING MONSTER

CHURCH FATHER DESCRIBES CITIZENS AS "PATHETIC"

NEW BABBAGE, NB — A victory for the Coronet Gardens Improvement League, who have been pushing for much of the delapidated neighborhood to be demolished, was struck early Friday evening, though possibly not in the manner the league had originally intended.

At approximately seven in the evening, the future home of the Geographical Society on West Abney Parkway was destroyed in a massive explosion which leveled the entire building.  The reason for the explosion is currently unknown, though officials have suggested a gas main leak as the potential cause.

Flying debris from the concussion soon leveled a condemned warehouse on the opposite side of Abney Parkway, next to the Bucket of Blood public house.  Fortunately, both buildings were empty at the time of the explosion.

Suggestions that the destruction was due to a large capering monstrosity were quickly nipped in the bud by Father Ora Moonwoll of the New Babbage Church of the Builder, who was an eye witness to events.  "The utter perfection of the Builder's work is not sufficiently exciting for some of our more pathetic citizens, who must always believe some diabolical force is behind every tragedy." he was quoted as stating earlier today.

Cleanup crews are being assembled at City Hall, and those needing day labor are encouraged to sign up with Mr R Dorchester at City Hall.