BUILDING CRUMBLES INEXPLICABLY
WORK OF RUMORED MORLOCKS?
PROPRIETOR CURRENTLY MISSING
NEW BABBAGE, NB — The soft winter silence of the borough of Clockhaven was disturbed late yesterday afternoon by the complete and utter collapse of Wexholm's Emporium on Prince Dakkar Blvd, which fell in on itself, taking a large portion of the sewer system with it.
Low ominous rumbling sounds and minor quakes have been plaguing the east end of New Babbage for close to a month. Those who had hoped the sounds and tremors were merely remnants of the January Marsh Gas were dismayed to discover otherwise yesterday, as the ground suddenly yawned open, taking the entire structure down with it.
Despite the collapse transpiring in mid-afternoon, it seems fortunate that no customers have been reported as injured or missing, though Emporium proprietor Mr B Wexholm is currently reported as missing.
City officials would give no official comment on the disaster, apart from the investigation being ongoing, though many have stated to the Free Press that the land beneath Clockhaven is honeycombed with passages and tunnels. "It's a wonder the whole neighborhood didn't go down," stated one citizen, who wished to remain nameless.