Pancake Race Stolen By Clockwork

CHILDREN'S RACE WON BY HOMELESS GIRL

ADULT'S RACE WON BY LEGGY WOMAN

CROWD CALLS CLOCKWORK'S WIN 'A FIX'

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The annual pancake toss race was held again yesterday afternoon in the Academy of Industry district of New Babbage.  This was the third race of its kind, which is held each year on Shrove Tuesday, commonly known as 'Pancake Tuesday'.

Attendance was impressive as crowds flocked to witness the race which was, as always, held in three parts, those being: The Children's Race, The Adult's Race, and finally, the Adult and Children's Race.

The winner of the Children's Race was a young lady by the name of Miss P Flack of Falun, whilst the winner of the Adult's Race was the mercurial Miss G Saltery of England.  The winner of the Adult and Children's Race, meanwhile, was a clockwork known as 'Primary Gears' of parts unknown.

Some in the crowd questioned whether there ought be a race strictly for clockworks and automatons, as with their flawless mechanical parts they present an unfair advantage over the hardworking humans who bring them into existence.  This may well be, but the Free Press would suggest that since no prizes were awarded the event was all in fun and should remain in such a spirit.