BODIES LAID OUT ON ICE
DIRT ALLEGEDLY BEING SOLD ON BLACK MARKET
ZOMBIES ON THE HORIZON?
Babbage Square, NB — It is not easy to rest in peace when your terminal resting spot is being dug up and place out to cool on ice, as the many permanent residents of the Babbage Square Cemetery recently found out.
"Pretty routine operation, actually." said Mr R Feldman, of the New Babbage Parks Department to a reporter from the Free Press earlier today. "It's tougher to get the ground open at this time of year, but that's offset by the benefit of being able to use the Grand Canal as a holding area." When asked the reason for the removal of the bodies, he refrained from commenting.
Many citizens, however, have their own theories. "I have no doubt that the magical properties of the grave dirt are being exploited on the black market." said a Mrs P Foxhouse, of Coronet Gardens, while a Mr T Grapehead of Babbage Canals believes, "It's got something to do with zombies, I bet. They likely found out the ground was poisoned with something, and if they didn't change the first people would rise as zombies. Oldest story in the world."
A representative from Town Hall has informed the Free Press that the reburials will begin presently, and should be finished before thaw.