Sunday, January 17

Letters To The Editor:

To whom this may concern,

I was reading through some recent editions when I noticed you spelled the same man's name in two different ways. In the article about the giant spiders, you mentioned a "Mr. O Unterby," while the article concerning City Hall spelled it as "Mr. Undorby." 

How did you manage that? 

Sincerely, Rigby H. Copperhead

P.s. For the record, I believe the gentleman's name is actually spelled "Mr. Underbite." 

—  —  —  —  —

Dear “Free Press Boob”,

Your humble letter writer was an eye witness to the recent New Years Day City Hall Affair, as the plebs on the streets are referring to it, and would wish to correct whomever “wrote” said article, if such a piece can be said to be written.  The two masked heroes called their names to the throngs below, quite clearly from their window of danger: BLUE BLOOD AVENGER.  Not “Blood Avenger” as you erroneously reported, making that hero of our times, a bright beacon to the rather wretched urchin population, into something akin to a grave-dwelling ghoul.

Bad form, sir!

Count Rex Maximilian von Bologna

—  —  —  —  —

Dear Free Press,

All these horrid stories lately of fire bombings, giant spiders, sea monsters in the harbor… What about a pleasant story now and then?  Does nobody save cats from trees anymore?  Does the Emperor not save children anymore?  Does the Church only perform exorcisms and funerals?  Are there no weddings?  Or does that not sell newspapers?

Mrs Edwina Gleet
Babbage Canals

—  —  —  —  —

Hey dumb[REDACTED] editor,

I saw you there when you were reporting about that sea monster in the harbor. Who the [REDACTED] said anything about it eating human flesh?! The [REDACTED] kept stealing kelp off that [REDACTED] oriental food place. AND your pencil. I guess that's the reason for the human flesh [REDACTED], the you must be [REDACTED] off about the loss of your precious [REDACTED] pencil.
Oh, and don't publish my name in the papers, or ELSE.

(name withheld upon request)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.