Vandals Strike the City Archives

SUPERSTITION PROVED RIGHT

FIRE STRATEGICALLY PLACED

LOCAL HOTELIER TO BLAME?

New Babbage, NB — Those of a superstitious nature who enjoy rhapsodizing about our Town Hall being cursed in some manner have yet more evidence for their scrap books today. Once again the sacred structure at the heart of our fair sooty city was the target of wanton destruction by a crazed group of unknown vandals, this time it was the very memory of the city itself — the city archives, which were focused upon.

The blaze appears to have been strategically placed within an iron barrel where a plethora of carefully selected items from the archives were systematically conflagrated. The destruction was severe and an untold number of irreplaceable items have been irreversibly lost, however we at the Free Press are assured that the loss may well have been even more severe if it had not been for the early arrival of Miss J Ginsplurge of Clockhaven who recently took up a position within the archives.

"We don't even know how much has been lost yet." she told a reporter from the Free Press earlier today. "Me and Brother Sevan had just organized everything for filing away when this happened. It's very suspicious." When asked if she had any reason to suspect anyone of the heinous crime, she refused to point fingers, but did imply a certain local hotelier she has maintained a grudge with for some time may know something.

Brother Sevan believes lack of education is the root cause for the tragedy. "Uneducated children grow up in to uneducated hoodlums. A good mind must be put to use."

Chairwoman of the New Babbage League of Social Welfare and Reform, Miss E Crinnel, agrees with the clergyman. "What can we reasonably expect of these children when half of them cannot even read their own names? They should be learning ABCs, not sewing mittens in a workhouse."

Whether or not this sort of heinous act might be the handiwork of the anarchist group known as the Tiny Scallions is still currently unknown. Miss S Punchky of the New Babbage Fire Brigade could not be reached for comment at the time of printing.

City Hall Condemned

CITY HALL DESTROYED

VANDALS CASED CITY OFFICIAL'S OFFICE EARLIER

TWO COSTUMED VIGILANTES SPOTTED — FRIEND OR FOE?

NEW BABBAGE, NB —  The new year rang in on a sour note in central New Babbage, as City Hall erupted into towering flames, choking the skies with pungent acrid black smoke.  Curiously, simultaneous with the fire, City Hall was likewise barraged by torrential flooding.  Officials seem at a loss as to explain what exactly happened.

Witnesses report seeing smoke bellowing from a third floor window, while some also reported an airship looming in the skies overhead.  Miss F Bucksimbodom, secretary to Mr O Undorby, assistant to the Mayor Mr M Tenk, was quoted by the Free Press as saying, 'I heard some odd sounds in Mr Undorby's office, some thumping ... [My Undorby] was already very agitated because he thought someone broke into his office earlier this week.'

Miss Bucksimbodom, and others, stated that a masked duo allegedly appeared to assist with the evacuation of the rapidly deteriorating building.  The two apparently went by the sobriquets of "The Night Crusader" and "The Blood Avenger", and opinions vary amongst eyewitnesses as to the authenticity of the pair's attempts at assistance.  A Mrs M Vanderklampt of Wheatstone said, 'The two seemed to be escaping the fire, not assisting with the evacuation.' while a Mr R Bladderstick of no fixed address said, 'Dey call down ter us all, waved real nice, said ev'rytin' would be dandy, made me feel lots better, it did.' [sic]

City Hall has, for the time being, been considered condemned.  All official business will be conducted at offsite locations.  Mr Undorby was unavailable for comment at the time of publishing.