Evolution Too Slow, Claims Local Scientist

ELECTRICITY AMPLIFIES BRAIN IMPULSES

UNIVERSE IS CHAOTIC

SCIENCE MARCHES ON

NEW BABBAGE, NB — If evolution can be likened to a perpetual motion machine, a local amateur scientist believes the device can be artificially accelerated.

Miss N Nymlet, of the Clockhaven district, has been experimenting with human brains, in the hope of enhancing them organically, thereby accelerating evolution.  'My hypothesis is that the brain works on electrical impulses.  If we can amplify these, then we can enhance the brain.' she stated, earlier today.

Two separate brains have already successfully communicated when flooded with electrical current, a result which she believes suggests human brains could be augmented permanently.

'Too long have we relied on nature for the evolution of the human brain.  We need to take charge of our evolution.  Nature is dirty, chaotic, and fickle.' she said to a reporter from the Free Press.

Impressionist artist, Mr E Placebo, agrees to an extent, 'The universe is chaotic.  It is dirty, cold, and indifferent to our wants and desires.'  He disagrees, however, that hastening evolution will improve the situation, 'Ultimately we die out and the world turns to dust.  In the end, what does any of it matter?'

Citizens may take heart that while nihilism is a thoroughly discredited school of philosophy, the advances of science continue to march on.