Crazed Asylum Worker Vandalizes Newspaper Office

CRAZED MENACE RUNS AMOK!

FREE SPEECH UNDER ASSAULT BY RUFFIAN!

A staff member of the Murgham Asylum willfully and unlawfully damaged the back steps of the New Babbage Free Press office on Tuesday evening. Witnesses state that Dr. Rance Veterinarian began pulling apart the staircase in a frenzy of shouting and frantic activity, and despite his obvious age and infirmity pulled away several of the stair treads before running away towards the pumping station.

“He was acting all nervous and crazy-like” a local urchin was heard to say.

The readers should know that your local newspaper will not be deterred by this wanton attack on the Fourth Estate, and will not rest until the perpetrator is brought to justice for his crimes.

Pugh Lister, Staff Reporter NBFP

Reporter Locked Out Of Office

NEWSPAPER SHUT DOWN

4th ESTATE COMPROMISED

RETURN OF REGULAR SERVICE IMMINENT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The madness of the recent weeks in the city reached its crescendo late last week, when Mr B Heed —owner and proprietor of the Bucket of Blood Public House on Abney Parkway West, in the borough of Coronet Gardens— changed the locks on the offices of the New Babbage Free Press, which shares the same property.

Mr O Penrose —publisher, editor-in-chief, and primary reporter for the New Babbage Free Press— was quoted as stating, 'It started with Mr Mornington and his annex, then the folks at the Gangplank jumped in.  It wasn't long before Mr Heed named his property Bucket Land.'

Based on the inked refuse left behind in the offices, now re-opened thanks to the Mayor's Office, it is thought that Mr Heed attempted to publish his own newspaper in the interim, but was unable to properly engage the delicate and complicated equipment therein.

While the damages to the office itself were significant, the long-term damage to the essential machinery was minimal and Mr Penrose assures the Free Press that the Free Press will be up and running at regular speed forthwith.