Reporter Locked Out Of Office

NEWSPAPER SHUT DOWN

4th ESTATE COMPROMISED

RETURN OF REGULAR SERVICE IMMINENT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The madness of the recent weeks in the city reached its crescendo late last week, when Mr B Heed —owner and proprietor of the Bucket of Blood Public House on Abney Parkway West, in the borough of Coronet Gardens— changed the locks on the offices of the New Babbage Free Press, which shares the same property.

Mr O Penrose —publisher, editor-in-chief, and primary reporter for the New Babbage Free Press— was quoted as stating, 'It started with Mr Mornington and his annex, then the folks at the Gangplank jumped in.  It wasn't long before Mr Heed named his property Bucket Land.'

Based on the inked refuse left behind in the offices, now re-opened thanks to the Mayor's Office, it is thought that Mr Heed attempted to publish his own newspaper in the interim, but was unable to properly engage the delicate and complicated equipment therein.

While the damages to the office itself were significant, the long-term damage to the essential machinery was minimal and Mr Penrose assures the Free Press that the Free Press will be up and running at regular speed forthwith.

Public House Food Poisoning

SIX TAKEN AWAY ILL

ALL CONSUMED SAME DISH

OWNER UNREPENTANT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Four men and two women were taken away gravely ill last evening from The Bucket of Blood Public House on Abney Parkway West, a notorious establishment in the neighborhood of Coronet Gardens.

All six of the afflicted had consumed a house dish known as srizzlesnake soup, prepared that day by manager of the establishment, Miss M Jones. 'Sure, all six of them ate the soup, so what.  So did twenty five others who didn't get sick.  People die every day.' she stated, when asked about the incident.

The Bucket of Blood has a notorious reputation for food poisoning, as well as many other crimes of vice: this past summer two died after 'Roadhouse Ribs Day' was celebrated, an entire class of schoolchildren suffered from severe diarrhea after a trip to the public house to find out how tripe pudding was made, and a rank batch of billybumbler steaks sent a large group to Wilde Hospital two years earlier.

Reports of the incident were laughed off by the owner of the establishment, Mr B Heed, who stated, 'People drink, people throw up, people drink more.  That is the business.'

Rumors of the undead working in the Bucket of Blood kitchens were met with no comment.