Hoodoo Man Practices Medicine Without License

FOOD POISONING RELIEVED THROUGH HUMBUG

LOCAL MOUNTEBANK OUTRAGED

PLACEBO EFFECT AT WORK, CORONER SAYS

NEW BABBAGE, NB — An aged octogenarian, who practices the ostensibly mystical craft known as 'hoodoo', has begun to take patients in the Coronet Gardens neighborhood of west New Babbage, despite lacking a medical license, or any traditional training.

Mr L Laurent, aged 82, recently achieved neighborhood notoriety after successfully treating several serious cases of food poisonings.  He claims to have learned the ancient folk techniques from his mother and grandmother.

Dr S Thornly however, who shares the adjoining office, is not as enthusiastic about the hoodoo techniques.  'It's hocum. Malarky.  Humbug.' he stated, earlier today.  'I've seen how he treats food poisonings... some boiled weeds in a mason jar, rubbed on a black cat, then sipped by the patient.  It's madness, I say.'

'I can treat food poisonings as well.' he continued, agitated.  'Dr Thornly's fantastical elixer treats ailments of all types, including diarrhea measles mumps chicken pox and hangovers.'

Dr M Moggins, formerly a practicing physician and now New Babbage City Coroner, stated to the Free Press, 'This sort of reaction is not uncommon.  It is known as the placebo effect.  The likelihood is that these patients recovered on their own, and would have without visiting this quack.' He further stated,  'The genuine danger is that, in future, these patients may visit the charlatan when ailing with something serious, which could well prove disastrous.'

The Free Press had received no response from officials at City Hall at time of printing, regarding the legality of Mr Laurent's practice.

Public House Looks For New Cook

PUBLIC HOUSE SEEKS NEW COOK

OWNER CLAIMS RECENT POISONINGS UNRELATED

LONG HISTORY OF VICE ON SITE

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The Bucket of Blood Public House on Abney Parkway West, in the neighborhood of Coronet Gardens, is looking for a new cook for their establishment.

Owner, Mr B Heed, claims that the recent bouts of acute food poisoning emanating from the public house are unrelated to the current search for a new culinarian, stating, 'Miss Jones, the current cook, refuses to touch octopus, which I adore.'

It is currently unknown if the recent death of a Mr R Griswold, of food poisoning, is related to the spate of poisonings in the Bucket of Blood.

The public house, which opened in 1822 under the original name of The Coronet, has long been a den of vice, crime, and general immoral behavior, earning its epithet of 'the bucket of blood' long before officially changing the name in 1855.  Social crusader, Miss E Prim, successfully campaigned to have the establishment permanently closed 1869, remaining so until three years ago, when the public house was re-opened, under the new ownership of Mr O Underby.  Miss Prim was lynched by an unruly mob in 1870.

Applicants are asked to prepare an octopus dish before visiting the establishment for employment.

Public House Food Poisoning

SIX TAKEN AWAY ILL

ALL CONSUMED SAME DISH

OWNER UNREPENTANT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Four men and two women were taken away gravely ill last evening from The Bucket of Blood Public House on Abney Parkway West, a notorious establishment in the neighborhood of Coronet Gardens.

All six of the afflicted had consumed a house dish known as srizzlesnake soup, prepared that day by manager of the establishment, Miss M Jones. 'Sure, all six of them ate the soup, so what.  So did twenty five others who didn't get sick.  People die every day.' she stated, when asked about the incident.

The Bucket of Blood has a notorious reputation for food poisoning, as well as many other crimes of vice: this past summer two died after 'Roadhouse Ribs Day' was celebrated, an entire class of schoolchildren suffered from severe diarrhea after a trip to the public house to find out how tripe pudding was made, and a rank batch of billybumbler steaks sent a large group to Wilde Hospital two years earlier.

Reports of the incident were laughed off by the owner of the establishment, Mr B Heed, who stated, 'People drink, people throw up, people drink more.  That is the business.'

Rumors of the undead working in the Bucket of Blood kitchens were met with no comment.