Train Derailment South of Falun

TRAIN STRUCK BY UNKNOWN OBJECT

WAGON OF HILLBILLIES NARROWLY MISSED

LOCALS SUSPECT GIANT CARNIVOROUS WORMS

THE FELLS, NB — Early yesterday morning the northbound train from New Babbage to Ouverberg was derailed just south of the small mining town of Falun, due to currently unknown circumstances.

Mere minutes before the train was scheduled to make a stop in Falun, and only moments before the derailment, a wagon filled with mountain folk crossed the tracks, narrowly missing being struck by the train.  'It looked like it were a family.' stated Mr E Howard, engineer of the train.

This wagon was not, however, the reason for the derailment, according to Howard: 'Came close, but the wagon made it across.  T'was a damn fool thing to do, to be sure, but they made it.  Just.  Lucky for them we was slowing down for Falun.  T'was after that we got hit from the side.' [sic]

Eyewitness accounts differ on what exactly struck the train, though all seem to agree that the train was struck by something.  Some have claimed to have witnessed a gargantuan snake slithering rapidly across the tundra, while several others described it as a man-made clockwork devise.  All agree that whatever it was, the coloring was distinctly black; this has resulted in some claiming the incident to be final confirmation for the local legends of the carnivorous black worms, which allegedly dwell in the emptier regions of the Fells.

Whatever struck the train was apparently unharmed enough to exit the scene before anyone could get a proper look, amidst the chaos of the derailment.  Little evidence was seemingly left behind, but the Free Press is assured that experts from New Babbage have already been dispatched to investigate.

No substantial injuries were incurred during the impact, and cleanup of the site is expected to take several days, at least.  The current supposition being advanced at the scene is that the wagon of mountain folk were being pursued by whatever struck the train.  This theory has been, as of yet, unconfirmed by officials at the location of the accident.

Who Is The Straw Man?

BOMBER WORKED FOR CRIME LORD

SHADOWY FIGURE KNOWN ONLY AS THE STRAW MAN

MILITIA POWERLESS TO STOP HIM?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The North Fells Track Bomber, Mr E Grady of Phaeton's Landing, was merely a contract worker for a New Babbage villain known only as 'The Straw Man', the New Babbage Free Press has learned, through a trusted source.

Few details about the arrest and interrogation of the bomber have been released to the press since his arrest last month -largely lost in the abject madness and confusion of what has come to be known, ominously, as Marsh Gas January- but the a trusted source has stated that while the Militia was able to squeeze very little information from the bomber, they were able to ascertain the nom de plume  of the entity who the dangerous gentleman worked for, someone known in the underground as The Straw Man.

Allegedly the bomber never met The Straw Man face to face, and so cannot comment on who this shadowy figure may be, or even what his intentions are, twisted though they may be.

The New Babbage Militia was unavailable for comment at the time of printing.

Anarchist Group Hoax

ANARCHISM IS A RED HERRING

WOMEN'S GROUP BAFFLED

WHO WAS BOMBER WORKING FOR?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The supposed anarchist organization known as 'The Tiny Scallion Group' — which claimed responsibility for the bombing of the train tracks in the Fells, north of the city of New Babbage, earlier this month — has been discovered by agents from Terranova Investigations to be a total and consummate fabrication.

Mrs J Daggar — owner, proprietor, and chief agent of Terranova Investigations — has stated that the confessed bomber of the tracks, one Mr E O'Grady of Phaeton's Landing, confirmed after a thorough interrogation, that he was not, nor had he ever been, a member of any anarchist organization.

The guilty man further claimed that the name 'Tiny Scallions Group' meant nothing to him.  Mrs Daggar, after painstaking investigation has discovered that the name had formerly, and still currently, belongs to a women's cooking group, which focuses primarily on dishes containing green onions in some form.

'I had indeed wondered why my grandchildren should suddenly become so interested in Granny's omelet recipes.' stated Mrs E Gleet of the Canal District, Treasurer of the authentic Tiny Scallion Group, to a representative of the Free Press earlier today.

Mrs Daggar confirmed that Mr O'Grady admitted to having performed the heinous act at the behest of another individual, for active remuneration, but declined to offer a name to the press, stating that anything she said could possibly 'jeopardize the investigation, which is ongoing.'

Anarchist Bomber Arrested

SUSPECT ARRESTED WHILST DRUNK

HINTED THERE ARE MORE BOMBINGS TO COME

CONNEXION TO ANARCHIST GROUP UNCERTAIN

NEW BABBAGE, NB — A man was arrested at Doyle Place, in the Canal District, yesterday in connexion with the bombing of the tracks in the Fells, north of the City of New Babbage, on January 5.

The New Babbage Milita has not officially released the name of the suspect at the time of printing, but unnamed sources within the organization have unofficially named the bomber as one Mr E Grady, aged 29, of Phaeton's Landing.

Grady was arrested by Commodore Dagger of the New Babbage Militia at Ruby's Public House in the early evening yesterday, after some minor altercation.  Mr M Cutbush, bartender at Ruby's, was quoted as stating, 'He been in and out of here for two weeks near, get his self drunk and start heavily hinting about bombing the tracks. T'was no secret here.  Miss Dagger gave me a sawbuck to keep the drinks pouring into him, and he soon enough confessed outright to her. It were quite a show for the rest of us.'

Mr R Bladderstick, of no fixed address, who has imbibed with the accused on several occasions in the past, claims that Grady does not live permanently in New Babbage, stating, 'He got a room he stays in.  [He] works fer summan, [and] bragged 'bout how much he made for some job was mentioned in da papers and kep' hintin he was only waiting 'round for his next job.'

Mr Grady's connexion to the Tiny Scallion Group anarchist organization, if indeed there is one, has yet to be ascertained.  The Tiny Scallion Group claimed responsibility for the bombing earlier this month, in a statement addressed to acting mayor Mr O Underby, at City Hall.  Mr Underby was unavailable for comment at the time of printing.

Repairs On Fells Bridge Commences

REPAIRS ON TRACKS BEGIN

ACTING MAYOR CLAIMS LONG WAIT IS NORMAL

ANARCHISTS STILL WALK FREE

THE FELLS, NB — Commerce by rail will soon enough be rolling once again, as repairs begin on the tracks in the Fells, north of the walls of the city of New Babbage.

Construction began in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, and are expected to continue throughout the week.  Actual trains are expected to be running again shortly before the end of the month.

When asked why repairs have taken almost two weeks to begin, acting Mayor Mr O Underbee was quoted as stating, 'Despite what the plebeian might believe, these sorts of municipal matters do not take place over night.' He continued, 'There is a good deal of red tape one must snip through to even have a ribbon-cutting ceremony rubber nipple factory, believe me I like it less than anyone else.'

The tracks were damaged earlier in the month by explosion; an anarchist organization known as the Tiny Scallion Group has claimed responsibility for the heinous act.  Investigation into the group is ongoing, according to an unnamed member of the New Babbage Militia.

Anarchist Suspicions Run Rampant

MOB CHASES ADMITTED ANARCHIST

WOMAN EXPLAINS HOW SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT

MILITIA ASSURE ARREST IS IMMINENT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Several citizens have become the target of suspicion from disparate directions as of late, with murderers and bombers admittedly on the loose in public.

Two unruly gatherings of citizens - one just north of Central Station, and another near City Hall - were spotted pursuing a male in his mid 30s, allegedly under the belief he had admitted to anarchistic sympathies.  It is currently unknown if the congruent incidents are related.

A young woman in the Gangplank Public House, on East Prince Dakkar in Clockhaven, also raised suspicious ire amongst her fellow patrons last evening whilst lecturing at length as to how she would have performed the bombing of the tracks in the Fells, north of the New Babbage walls.

When pressed to identify her political beliefs the woman politely refused, but denied a steadfast belief in anarchists and their craft.

An anarchist organization known as the Tiny Scallion Group has taken credit for the bombing of the tracks in the Fells.  An source within the New Babbage Milita assures the Free Press that an arrest is imminent.

Mayor Still Missing

MATCHMAKING WAS INTENDED FOR MAYOR

MAYOR'S ARRIVAL ASSURED TO BE 'IMMINENT'

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Nearly four full days after scheduled arrival, Mayor Clockwinder Tenk is still missing, with telegraph messages to the city of Falun confirming he had departed on Saturday 5 January.

Length of time for travel between the two cities varies widely in extreme weather conditions, but rarely takes longer than a half day.  Weather on Saturday 5 was extremely cold on the Fells, but conditions were mostly visible.

Passage through the Fells on the Bump Line was made impossible when the tracks were demolished just north of the New Babbage city walls.  An anarchist organization known as the Tiny Scallions Group has claimed responsibility for the attack.

Two trains were halted, en route to New Babbage from Falun at the time of the disaster, though the mayor was discovered to have not been accounted for on either train.

Tenk was visiting family in Falun for the holidays, an annual excursion for him.  The New Babbage Free Press has learned from reliable sources in Falun that the mayor's family had hoped to secure matrimonial bonds between their family and another prominent mining family.  It is unknown at this time what the mayor's reaction to the proposal was.

Acting mayor, Mr O Underby, when asked for a comment whilst having his head shaved at the Clockwork Close Barber Shop in the Palisades, opined that 'finding a suitable bride is the most exceedingly difficult of any endeavor ever embarked upon by man', and that Mr Tenk may be encountering more trouble than most in this regard as 'there seems to be a stunning lack of bearded ladies in this world.  More's the pity.'

It has been suggested by some that the mayor is presently attempting air travel over the Fells, and his arrival is imminent.

Missing Clockwork Unicorn

BELOVED CLOCKWORK MISSING

ENERGY FLOW UNINTERRUPTED

CONNECTION TO ANARCHISTS SUSPECTED

NEW BABBAGE, NB — An ornate clockwork unicorned horse went missing from AP & E Power Station in northern Clockhaven yesterday.  No intruders were reported, and nothing else has been noticed as missing.  Energy flow was not interrupted.

The Power Station derives energy directly from the aether, and powers a large portion of the city of New Babbage.  Some have speculated that the evanescence may, in fact, be related to the recent paroxysmal percussion of the train tracks in the Fells north of the city, an act credited to an anarchist organization named The Tiny Scallion Group.

Members of the New Babbage Militia were unavailable for comment at time of press.

The clockwork unicorn is considered valuable; it personally identifies as female and answers to 'Avarial'.  Citizens with information are asked to contact AP & E Power Station on Battery Street, Clockhaven.

Public Unrest Grows As Mayor's Absence Extends

CLOCKS RUNNING SLOW

ACTING MAYOR ASSUAGES CONCERNS

SOME CITIZENS RELIEVED BY MAYOR'S ABSENCE

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Clocks all across the city are running slightly slow today as Mayor Clockwinder M Tenk's extended leave to Falun continues, since all rail travel north of the city is indefinitely interrupted.  Telegraph communication has thus far been unable to confirm his current whereabouts.

The Mayor travelled north for his annual visit to relatives on December 24, and was expected back by the Twelfth Day of Christmas, January 5; the massive destruction caused to the tracks in the Fells north of the city made his immediate return impossible.   The Tiny Scallion Group, an anarchist organization, has claimed responsibility for the heinous act.

Mr O Underby, acting mayor in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk, was quoted as saying, 'these worries are of course understandable, if somewhat maudlin' and added that Mayor Tenk was 'in no danger whatsoever, he is merely delayed.  The clocks will be wound when he returns.'  The acting mayor suggested that, in the meantime, citizens might rely more heavily on their pocket watches.

At least one citizen, however, expressed some relief in the mayor's extended leave.  One Mr T Harkar was pleased at not having to 'relocate a tram line half a meter to the north, or [make] any other random changes for a while.'

It has been suggested by some that the mayor is presently attempting air travel over the Fells, and his arrival is imminent.

Fells Track Investigation On-Going

INVESTIGATION ON-GOING

ANARCHIST GROUP CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY 

ACTING MAYOR CONDEMNS ANARCHISM

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Though the scree has barely settled, the investigation into the gargantuan cataclysm caused to the train tracks in the Fells north of the city of New Babbage has already commenced, according to Commander of the City Milita, Commodore J Daggar.

'We are pursuing all leads, but can offer no further comment at this time' as anything said might 'jeopardize the case.' she stated yesterday, to a reporter of the New Babbage Free Press.  Daggar added, 'in the meantime construction of a temporary timber bridge will begin immediately, so commerce is effected as little as possible.'

When asked about the public suspicion that someone exalted within New Babbage government might be censurable for the abject mayhem, she further added, 'No comment.'

Later in the day, however, the office of the mayor released a statement to the press stating that the Tiny Scallion Group, an anarchist organization, claimed responsibility for the heinous act, and further threatened future outrages.

Mr O Underby, acting mayor in lieu of Mayor Clockwinder Tenk, condemned the political philosophy of anarchism, thusly, 'Rules and regulations are the very bedrock of modern society, to abandon that in favor of self governing would be akin to volunteering to return to living in grass huts.'

When asked about the public suspicion that someone exalted within New Babbage government might be censurable for the abject mayhem, he further added, 'No comment.'

Tracks Destroyed North of the City

COAL SHIPMENTS FROM FALUN IN JEOPARDY

MAYOR POSSIBLY STRANDED NORTH

FOUL PLAY SUSPECTED

THE FELLS, NB — The city of New Babbage was stupefied on the evening of 5th January to discover that the tracks in the Fells, north of the city limits, had been completely destroyed.  A city messenger witnessed the destruction, calling it a 'terrific explosion'.

The cause of the abject ruination has yet to be ascertained by officials, but due to the complete destruction, foul play has been suspected.  It is unknown at this time if the destruction of the tracks is in any way related to the minor explosion in the New Babbage Train Station, earlier in the evening.

Coal shipments from Falun in the north have been put temporarily on hold until alternative routes may be made available; it is currently unknown whether Mayor Clockwinder Tenk was en route to New Babbage via rail when the destruction took place, and his whereabouts are still unknown as this goes to press.  Acting mayor Mr O Underbean was unavailable for comment, however a Mr R Dorchester from his office was quoted as saying 'citizens should not panic.'