City Hall Condemned

CITY HALL DESTROYED

VANDALS CASED CITY OFFICIAL'S OFFICE EARLIER

TWO COSTUMED VIGILANTES SPOTTED — FRIEND OR FOE?

NEW BABBAGE, NB —  The new year rang in on a sour note in central New Babbage, as City Hall erupted into towering flames, choking the skies with pungent acrid black smoke.  Curiously, simultaneous with the fire, City Hall was likewise barraged by torrential flooding.  Officials seem at a loss as to explain what exactly happened.

Witnesses report seeing smoke bellowing from a third floor window, while some also reported an airship looming in the skies overhead.  Miss F Bucksimbodom, secretary to Mr O Undorby, assistant to the Mayor Mr M Tenk, was quoted by the Free Press as saying, 'I heard some odd sounds in Mr Undorby's office, some thumping ... [My Undorby] was already very agitated because he thought someone broke into his office earlier this week.'

Miss Bucksimbodom, and others, stated that a masked duo allegedly appeared to assist with the evacuation of the rapidly deteriorating building.  The two apparently went by the sobriquets of "The Night Crusader" and "The Blood Avenger", and opinions vary amongst eyewitnesses as to the authenticity of the pair's attempts at assistance.  A Mrs M Vanderklampt of Wheatstone said, 'The two seemed to be escaping the fire, not assisting with the evacuation.' while a Mr R Bladderstick of no fixed address said, 'Dey call down ter us all, waved real nice, said ev'rytin' would be dandy, made me feel lots better, it did.' [sic]

City Hall has, for the time being, been considered condemned.  All official business will be conducted at offsite locations.  Mr Undorby was unavailable for comment at the time of publishing.

DIED

BECKLES — after a most unfortunate accident.  Mrs Octavia Beckles, née Gloomp,  a member of the New Babbage League of Social Welfare and Reform, died earlier this week after slipping on ice on her way to a service call.  She is survived by her husband Waldo, her strange daughter Willow, and a cat named Irony.  Service will be held at the Cathedral of the Builder this Friday, officiated by Father V Vorpal.

BUNN — in agony, due to spider bite(s).  Benjamin Bunn, relatives unknown, was attacked by spiders and succumbed to either venom or blood loss.  Funeral will be held on Friday, officiated by Tepic Harlequin.

CONNER — death by misadventure.  Mr Conner, first name unknown, was found dead on an incoming train to New Babbage.  He is thought to have died by poisoning.  He will be buried in pauper's grave.  No funeral service.

DOE — in agony, due to spider bite(s).  Junior John Doe, birth name unknown, was attacked by spiders and succumbed to either venom or blood loss.  He will be buried in pauper's grave.  No funeral service.

FRANKLIN — suddenly, in Coronet Gardens.  Harland Franklin, pugilist, died earlier this week after ingesting seventeen glasses of Foggy Dew at the Bucket of Blood.  He is survived by his mother, Mildred Franklin, and a monkey named Waldo.  Funeral will be held on Monday at the Cathedral of the Builder, and will be officiated by Father V Vorpal.

WALLACE — death by misadventure.  Mr Wallace, first name unknown, was found dead on an incoming train to New Babbage.  He is thought to have died by poisoning.  He will be buried in pauper's grave.  No funeral service.

Infestation at the Brunel

RODENTS OF UNUSUAL SIZE SPOTTED

FOOD FILTHILY STOLEN

FEAR OF PLAGUE WIDESPREAD

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Joyous holiday festivities were allegedly soured somewhat recently at the Brunel Hall in the up-and-coming Academy district, by hoards of large rodents of unusual size.

An anonymous feline source was quoted as saying: '[The infestation] has been going on since October at least . . . Victor [Morningtown, local hotelier and Maceholder] has been doing everything he can to deny they are there during his parties, but people have been seeing them, snatching meals from tables.'

A current resident of the hotel, Miss G Slattery of England, denied reports of rodents, and —unprompted—cockroaches, as well. 'If anyone has heard rats, it is likely an urchin running loose.' she told a reporter of the Free Press earlier today.

Dr T Fring, expert in zoology, confirms that New Babbage is home to a large breed of rodent, rattus gigantus, which is known to seek shelter in dwellings during winter months.  'They're all over this [redacted] town.  We're lousy with them.  You can quote me on that.'

It is unknown at the time of writing whether any rats in the city, of any size, are carriers of the plague.

An Open Letter to PJ

The New Babbage Free Press was delivered the following letter from an anonymous source, with instructions that it be posted in the afternoon edition.

An Open Letter to PJ

It has come to the attention of many citizens that you have threatened to crush the New Babbage Militia, and to further destroy the city ‘heroes’ you named, in specific one Beryl Strifeclaw.

You can have the cat, but you cannot have the city. His death will not stop us from our task.

Know this, with certainty. The men and women of the militia will not be crushed, deterred, or dissuaded from its mission to defend and protect the city. The loss of one individual will not stop the people of the city from doing their duty to hearth and home.

If you want our city, come try and take it.

Publius Publicola

Volunteer of Militia.

This reporter made inquiries at City Hall as to the receipt of any 'official' threats against the city as a whole, and was advised by a high placed official that none have been delivered. As always, the Free Press will be vigilant to any breaking stories.

Destruction in Coronet Gardens

BUILDINGS FLATTENED

CITIZENS REPORT CAVORTING MONSTER

CHURCH FATHER DESCRIBES CITIZENS AS "PATHETIC"

NEW BABBAGE, NB — A victory for the Coronet Gardens Improvement League, who have been pushing for much of the delapidated neighborhood to be demolished, was struck early Friday evening, though possibly not in the manner the league had originally intended.

At approximately seven in the evening, the future home of the Geographical Society on West Abney Parkway was destroyed in a massive explosion which leveled the entire building.  The reason for the explosion is currently unknown, though officials have suggested a gas main leak as the potential cause.

Flying debris from the concussion soon leveled a condemned warehouse on the opposite side of Abney Parkway, next to the Bucket of Blood public house.  Fortunately, both buildings were empty at the time of the explosion.

Suggestions that the destruction was due to a large capering monstrosity were quickly nipped in the bud by Father Ora Moonwoll of the New Babbage Church of the Builder, who was an eye witness to events.  "The utter perfection of the Builder's work is not sufficiently exciting for some of our more pathetic citizens, who must always believe some diabolical force is behind every tragedy." he was quoted as stating earlier today.

Cleanup crews are being assembled at City Hall, and those needing day labor are encouraged to sign up with Mr R Dorchester at City Hall.

Train Derailment South of Falun

TRAIN STRUCK BY UNKNOWN OBJECT

WAGON OF HILLBILLIES NARROWLY MISSED

LOCALS SUSPECT GIANT CARNIVOROUS WORMS

THE FELLS, NB — Early yesterday morning the northbound train from New Babbage to Ouverberg was derailed just south of the small mining town of Falun, due to currently unknown circumstances.

Mere minutes before the train was scheduled to make a stop in Falun, and only moments before the derailment, a wagon filled with mountain folk crossed the tracks, narrowly missing being struck by the train.  'It looked like it were a family.' stated Mr E Howard, engineer of the train.

This wagon was not, however, the reason for the derailment, according to Howard: 'Came close, but the wagon made it across.  T'was a damn fool thing to do, to be sure, but they made it.  Just.  Lucky for them we was slowing down for Falun.  T'was after that we got hit from the side.' [sic]

Eyewitness accounts differ on what exactly struck the train, though all seem to agree that the train was struck by something.  Some have claimed to have witnessed a gargantuan snake slithering rapidly across the tundra, while several others described it as a man-made clockwork devise.  All agree that whatever it was, the coloring was distinctly black; this has resulted in some claiming the incident to be final confirmation for the local legends of the carnivorous black worms, which allegedly dwell in the emptier regions of the Fells.

Whatever struck the train was apparently unharmed enough to exit the scene before anyone could get a proper look, amidst the chaos of the derailment.  Little evidence was seemingly left behind, but the Free Press is assured that experts from New Babbage have already been dispatched to investigate.

No substantial injuries were incurred during the impact, and cleanup of the site is expected to take several days, at least.  The current supposition being advanced at the scene is that the wagon of mountain folk were being pursued by whatever struck the train.  This theory has been, as of yet, unconfirmed by officials at the location of the accident.

Office Damaged In Piscine Attack

ROGUE FISH NAMED AS CULPRITS

OFFICIALS MUM ON STRUCTURAL INSTABILITY

Wheatstone Waterways, NB – The local patent office of the City-State of New Babbage was the scene of a horrific incident that left the building in a shambles. The east and west walls of the office were blown asunder by an as yet unnamed force. A local resident who rushed to the scene of the incident stated that the devastation was unbelievable, and that there was the undeniable stink of fish in the air.

This reporter surveyed the scene and was astounded as to the amount of damage to the building. It was also noted that the foundation around the office was beginning to settle into the canal. City officials at the location were rapidly making preparations to move any of the assets of the office to a safe location that could still be managed to be saved.

A local scientist of some renown who gave a statement to the Free Press on an agreement of anonymity said that in his estimation the attack was caused by a rogue school of flying fish who found their way into the canals of the city and became confused.

 Officials remain tight-lipped and as yet have not made a statement in regards to the incident, or to what measures the city would go to protect the citizenry from this new aquatic threat.

Feral Dogs Run Amok

SEWERS TEEMING WITH ROGUE PESTS

CITY OVERRUN WITH LOST PETS

CLOCKHAVEN, NB. The placid passing of evening was shattered last night by the baying of a lost and lonely dog apparently trapped in the sewer system. The lonely and verbal hound was heard from every drain and gutter within Clockhaven during the twilight hours yesterday.

A source close to City Hall stated that feral animals running at large have been allowed to populate the city’s sewer system unchecked for many years, and no effort has been made to stem the tide of all those unwelcome vermin living beneath the streets.

Several citizens patronizing a local drinking establishment told the Free Press that the dog continued to bark late into the evening, despite efforts by concerned people to locate and quiet the sounding hound.

Hobo Epidemic In Canal District

HOBOS ROAM CANAL DISTRICT STREETS

CLAIM THEY ARE BEING PREYED UPON

DUNSANY INSTITUTE TO BLAME?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Sources in the Canal District have been reporting a startlingly higher than usual number of hobos and transients cluttering up the neighborhood in the south part of the city.

A city worker who wished to remain nameless has suggested that these same transients generally maintain a low profile during daylight hours, instead preferring to remain hidden beneath the city streets in hidden tunnels and sewer systems.  He refrained from speculating as to what might have led these usually solitary creatures to begin roaming the once safe streets during the day.

One of the transients, however, who would only identify himself to the Free Press as "Stubby" has claimed, 'There be things moved into the area now, yes.  They whisper, and if you ain't tirely [sic] careful, they'll eat you.  Sure enough.'  When asked who he thought was preying on the transients, he replied that it was "Dunsany Folk".

The Dunsany Institute was a medical establishment in the borough of Clockhaven, which closed its doors many years ago.

Landmark Collapses in Port Babbage

SECOND SINKHOLE SWALLOWS STORE

MORE MORLOCK MAYHEM?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — For the second time in as many weeks, a second structure in the city has succumbed to a mysterious collapse due to foundational instability. The Courteous Seamstress, located at the corner of Abney Parkway and Savory Street fell victim to the insidious threat of subterranean weakness that claimed the Wexholm Emporium in Clockhaven.

This is the latest in a series of incidents involving some sort of seismic activity that seems to have its locus in the eastern part of the city. City officials would give no official comment on the disaster, other than to say the investigation into the matter was ongoing and would be conducted with thoroughness. The citizens remain unsure and very wary of when the next collapse may occur.