Hotelier Claims Academy As Independent State

ASSISTANT MACE-HOLDER DECLARES INDEPENDANCE

ACT IS 'TECHNICALLY LEGAL'

'MORNINGTOWN SHOULD BE INVADED', SAYS MAYOR'S ASSISTANT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Local prominent hotelier Mr V Mornington has declared the Academy of Industry as an independent township, having effectively seceded from the City-State of New Babbage.

The surprising move came as a reaction to the Acting Mayor's refusal to bend to the demands recently proposed by the Assistant Mace-Holder of the city, a move made possible through intricate bureaucratic manipulation of municipal bylaws.

'Mornington owns thirty precent of the area, there is precious little the acting mayor can do to counter such an act.  It is, technically, legal.' stated Mr E Pendergust of the New Babbage Department of Land and Holdings, to a representative of the Free Press.

Mr Underby was unavailable for comment, however his assistant Mr R Dorchester stated 'We shall see how long this farce can continue.  By Mr Mornington's own admission, his township is no longer part of the city of New Babbage, so the law implemented after the Obolenskydonia - which is, of course, a New Babbage bylaw - means nothing in the alleged township of Morningtown.'

Mr Dorchester did not wish to venture a guess as to how the acting mayor would react to Mr Mornington's move, but stated that if it were up to him, he 'would invade with extreme prejudice.'

Letters to the Editor Welcome!

The New Babbage Free Press will feature a 'Letters to the Editor' section, should the volume of mail received prove necessary.

Please send any comments, letters, statements, advertisements, and/or briefs to The New Babbage Free Press, #5 Abney Parkway West, New Babbage NB, or to obpenrose@gmail.com

Night Watch Valiantly Protects Citizens

CREATURE CAVORTS THROUGH CITY

NIGHT WATCH PURUES HORRIBLE BEAST

ACTING MAYOR'S ORDER VINDICATED

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Wild and varying reports of attacks by a wild beast in the Babbage Square area inundated the office of the Free Press this morning.  According to sources, at least one large and terrifying animal rampaged, for an undisclosed amount of time, on city streets last evening during curfew.

Descriptions of the beast, by eye witnesses to the event, conflict drastically.  Some have described to reporters from the Free Press a man-shaped aquatic monstrosity, others a large mechanical rhinoceros, while still others depict the animal as a large creature of the lupine persuasion.

By all accounts, the lusus naturae was closely pursued through the dark quiet streets by members of the Night Watch, organized recently by upstanding acting mayor Mr O Onderby.  Several vollies of ammunition were discharged at the creature to keep it moving, resulting in some minor fires in the extreme — and potentially hazardous — clutter of the Port area.

'Couldn't help it, boxes and crates were everywhere.  We had to keep the monster moving toward the city gates.' stated Mr K Hoolihan, a member of the Night Watch.  Miss N Nimly, another member of the Night Watch, stated, 'Just goes to show that the Night Watch is necessary.  And those dock workers will get someone killed, if they keep this up.'

The dock workers went on illegal strike earlier this week, at the behest of wealthy citizen Mr V Morningtown, crippling the local economy and putting citizens at dangerous risk, should they choose to stroll through the increasingly congested area.  Mr Morningtown was unavailable for comment at the time of printing.

Curfew Strife Cripples City

CHAOS IN THE PORT

CITY CLAIMS LABORERS CANNOT BE PLEASED

ACTING MAYOR RETALIATES

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Heeding the ultimatum issued on Tuesday by prominent hotelier, Mr V Mornington, the dock workers at the New Babbage Port have officially gone on strike, bottlenecking all shipments in and out via the Vernian Sea.

Barrels bobbing in the frigid waters of the Port indicate the dire levels this strike has already reached, as the entire Port District is in utter and complete disarray with mountains of crates, barrels, boxes, and trunks having clogged up what is already a thoroughly congested area of the city. 'This will only get worse as time crawls on, believe me.  Think about it, this has only been one day.' stated Mr R Douglas of Clockhaven, a dock worker in the 'Swing Shift' division of labor.

Miss N Nymlet, a member of the ad hoc New Babbage Night Watch scoffed at the labor dispute, stating, 'There's no way to please the working man, it seems.  Either they complain that they have to work nights, or that they are not allowed to.'  When asked by a reporter from the Free Press how this matter might be cleared up, she suggested, 'It could be easily rectified if they would only hire more day labor.'

When questioned on rumors of members of the Night Watch taking bribes from citizens to be allowed passage on the streets after dark, Miss Nymlet responded, 'No comment.'

Mr O Underby, acting mayor — in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk — has still refused to comment to the Free Press, but in what some believe to be a form of response to the strike has closed down Cuffs Public House at the corner of Savory Street and Abney Parkway, a well-known social meeting place for the dock workers of the area.  The reason for the closing has not been made public, however a source within City Hall has suggested tax evasion may be a cause.

Anarchist Group Hoax

ANARCHISM IS A RED HERRING

WOMEN'S GROUP BAFFLED

WHO WAS BOMBER WORKING FOR?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The supposed anarchist organization known as 'The Tiny Scallion Group' — which claimed responsibility for the bombing of the train tracks in the Fells, north of the city of New Babbage, earlier this month — has been discovered by agents from Terranova Investigations to be a total and consummate fabrication.

Mrs J Daggar — owner, proprietor, and chief agent of Terranova Investigations — has stated that the confessed bomber of the tracks, one Mr E O'Grady of Phaeton's Landing, confirmed after a thorough interrogation, that he was not, nor had he ever been, a member of any anarchist organization.

The guilty man further claimed that the name 'Tiny Scallions Group' meant nothing to him.  Mrs Daggar, after painstaking investigation has discovered that the name had formerly, and still currently, belongs to a women's cooking group, which focuses primarily on dishes containing green onions in some form.

'I had indeed wondered why my grandchildren should suddenly become so interested in Granny's omelet recipes.' stated Mrs E Gleet of the Canal District, Treasurer of the authentic Tiny Scallion Group, to a representative of the Free Press earlier today.

Mrs Daggar confirmed that Mr O'Grady admitted to having performed the heinous act at the behest of another individual, for active remuneration, but declined to offer a name to the press, stating that anything she said could possibly 'jeopardize the investigation, which is ongoing.'

City Rife With Political Insubordination

CITY ERUPTS INTO CHAOS

ROYALTY ARRESTED BY ACTING MAYOR

UNDERBY AN ANARCHIST?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Following the statement calling for citywide curfew made by acting mayor Mr O Underby — in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk, who is still unaccounted for — the city has erupted into outrage and indignation.

Citizens responded to the statement in a myriad of disparate manners, many by boldly marching en masse into the streets after dark, some by painting incendiary graffito on the walls of City Hall, and prominent hotelier Mr V Mornington issuing a stern ultimatum to the acting mayor.

Several arrests for curfew breaking were made, including a report that Her Royal Highness, Queen Victoria, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, Empress of India, and Defender of the Faith, was amongst those incarcerated in makeshift holding cells.

Assaults and beatings by the ad hoc night patrols were also reported.  A feline, who identified himself only as Joojoo, described the scene he witnessed thusly, 'Sticking to rooftops I got a grand view of the chaos. Watched a gang of the night watch beat up a drunk until he spewed across the cobbles.  Jolly good fun.'  When asked what he thought the final outcome of this misery might be, the feline responded, 'If Underby is fired when Tenk returns perhaps he can apply with that Tiny Scallion Group, he created some right proper anarchy last night.'

Reports of the monarch of England currently residing in New Babbage, in custody of city workers or otherwise, have as yet been unconfirmed by the Free Press, at the time of printing.  Mr O Underby was unavailable for comment.

Curfew Ultimatum Posed

CITY BANKRUPTED IF CURFEW CONTINUES?

CITIZENS PLAN TO REBEL

ACTING MAYOR'S ASSISTANT ISSUES PUBLIC THREAT

NEW BABBAGE, NB — The New Babbage Free Press was wired the following missive only moments ago, and immediately began to print a special edition:

Dear Citizens of New Babbage,

As some of you may know, our esteemed ACTING Mayor, Mr Underby, has put in motion a city wide curfew which starts at fall of night and ends upon daybreak.

As we all know, New Babbage is currently in the mid winter period, a season when the nights are extremley long, and the days very short.  I have been talking with the Port Authority gang workers and their foremen and they have assured me that if this curfew keeps going, the Port Authority will end up being held liable for spoiled good which are not able to make landfall due to this curfew our ACTING mayor has implemented.

Not only this, but the pubs, bars and restaurants of the city have now seen on average a 70% drop in takings over the past 2 days of this curfew as all of our nighttime revelers, employees, caterers and delivery gangs are not able to make their rounds.  This curfew is bankrupting the city!

As a concerned citizen of this city, and the owner of the largest bar and restaurant, i have sent out this missive to let the good township know that if ACTING Mayor Underby does not withdraw his Curfew by the evening of Tuesday the 22nd, that myself, and the patrons and restaurant visitors will purposefully break his curfew.   The port workers gangs have also shown an interest to go on strike as from Wednesday the 23rd and the workers at Hawksley Water Pump Station have also followed suit.

I will not have my bar go bankrupt due to the misguided attempts of a politician to wield his ACTING mayor powers!

Signed,

Victor Mornington

Brunel Hall Hotel

The Hawksley Water Pumping Station

Acting mayor Mr O Underby — in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk — was unavailable for comment at the time of printing, however, his assistant Mr R Dorchester stated, 'The mayor's office will not be held responsible for any injuries incurred by seditious citizens.'

Anarchist Bomber Arrested

SUSPECT ARRESTED WHILST DRUNK

HINTED THERE ARE MORE BOMBINGS TO COME

CONNEXION TO ANARCHIST GROUP UNCERTAIN

NEW BABBAGE, NB — A man was arrested at Doyle Place, in the Canal District, yesterday in connexion with the bombing of the tracks in the Fells, north of the City of New Babbage, on January 5.

The New Babbage Milita has not officially released the name of the suspect at the time of printing, but unnamed sources within the organization have unofficially named the bomber as one Mr E Grady, aged 29, of Phaeton's Landing.

Grady was arrested by Commodore Dagger of the New Babbage Militia at Ruby's Public House in the early evening yesterday, after some minor altercation.  Mr M Cutbush, bartender at Ruby's, was quoted as stating, 'He been in and out of here for two weeks near, get his self drunk and start heavily hinting about bombing the tracks. T'was no secret here.  Miss Dagger gave me a sawbuck to keep the drinks pouring into him, and he soon enough confessed outright to her. It were quite a show for the rest of us.'

Mr R Bladderstick, of no fixed address, who has imbibed with the accused on several occasions in the past, claims that Grady does not live permanently in New Babbage, stating, 'He got a room he stays in.  [He] works fer summan, [and] bragged 'bout how much he made for some job was mentioned in da papers and kep' hintin he was only waiting 'round for his next job.'

Mr Grady's connexion to the Tiny Scallion Group anarchist organization, if indeed there is one, has yet to be ascertained.  The Tiny Scallion Group claimed responsibility for the bombing earlier this month, in a statement addressed to acting mayor Mr O Underby, at City Hall.  Mr Underby was unavailable for comment at the time of printing.

Citywide Curfew In Effect

MURDER RAMPAGE SHUTS DOWN CITY AFTER DARK

THOSE ROAMING STREETS WILL BE ARRESTED

ACTING MAYOR REFUSES TO ELABORATE

NEW BABBAGE, NB — After the recent slew of abominable murders within the city, acting mayor Mr O Underby — in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk — issued a statement to the press, earlier today:

Effective immediately, and until further notice is announced, a citywide curfew is to be put into effect.  Persons of all ages are to remain indoors after sundown, and remain so until sun up - no exceptions.  Any person, or persons, found roaming city streets without authorized permission (of which none will be granted) will be subject to immediate arrest and detention at Militia Headquarters until they can be tried for their crime, or the curfew is lifted - whichever occurs first.  It is for the protection of the citizens that this extreme measure has been taken, and we hope you will do your part to conform and protect one another in this abysmal period of the city's history.  —Mr O Underby

Mr Underby refused to answer any further questions for the Free Press at the time of announcing the curfew.

Open-Skulled Corpse Abandoned

RECENTLY WEALTHY MINER MURDERED HORRIBLY

MURDERER WAS INTERRUPTED

NEW KILLER ON THE LOOSE?

NEW BABBAGE, NB — A fresh corpse was discovered in the deep cold of late last evening, beneath the Tomahna Hall Bridge in the neighborhood of Coronet Gardens, the top of its skull lacerated with the brain beneath left exposed.

The body has been identified as one Mr D Stone, of Falun — a miner recently struck rich, taking in the pleasures of the big city — according to a source within the New Babbage Militia.

Robbery is not thought to be a motive, as the pocket book of the victim was found still upon his person, apparently unmolested; according to the source, the current suspected motive is medical testing, as the skull was expertly sawed open, and a syringe was found penetrating the bared organ.

'It would seem that whomever perpetrated this heinous crime was interrupted before they could finish whatever it was they started.' stated the source, who wished to remain nameless.

Dr M Miggins, New Babbage City Coroner says this body does not seem related to the recent string of unsolved murders in the city, 'Those bodies were mauled by some manner of beast, this act was performed with surgical precision.' he stated earlier today, to a member of the Free Press.