Wednesday, January 30

Announcement From Acting Mayor Underby

NEW BABBAGE, NB — Acting mayor Mr O Underby — in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk — issued a statement to the press, earlier today:

Citizens of New Babbage,
It is with a heavy heart that I must now divulge priveleged information which I had promised myself I would never reveal.  Though my reputation is, to my utter sorrow, apparently permanently tarnished in the eyes of many in this community, I have always considered myself a man of honor.  As such, I intended to take the information I am about to impart to my grave with me.  However, the recent actions of Mr Mornington, have left me little choice: the very reason for Mayor Tenk's prolonged absense is Mr Mornington himself.
As can come as no surprise to those who have recently been following Mr Mornington's climb from popular and wealthy hotelier to deranged despot, much has been weighing on the man's mind.  It would weigh on anyone's mind to know within your very soul to be the cause of the misery you claim to alleviate.
Those who know well our hardworking mayor understand he entertains certain quirks of character.  Most overlook these quirks, since the pros so obviously outweigh the cons, when it comes to Clockwinder Tenk.  Mr Mornington, in his zeal for power, took his recent Christmas Buffet as an excuse to direly insult the mayor, sending the small man into a powerful rage.  As his trusted assistant, I attempted to console and alleviate the insult, but it could not be undone.
Tenk fled the city, fit to be tied.  I was left with the responsibilty of acting mayor, which no doubt caused great umbrage to the assistant mace holder of the city.
Despite what many claim, I take my responsibility as acting mayor with utmost seriousness.  I understand that there are several who consider my methods heavy-handed, draconian, and dictatorial.  Sadly, after much reflection, I must agree with them.
It is with maximum humility that I must acknowledge that my curfew plan was met with widespread derision, and not without good reason. It was a plan drawn up under diress, after receiving a mountain of correspondence from disparate citizens demanding something be done about the recent horrors which have afflicted our fine city.  Plans created under such circumstances are rarely successful, this one least of all. 
The initial plan was for a brief curfew, which would give time to investigate these heinous crimes, and hopefully keep the population safe whilst doing so.  However, Mornington took the opportunity to use his underworld connexions (which had been rumored, though never confirmed) to attempt to cripple an already delicate situation, by demanding citywide labor strikes which caused much strife and prolonged the curfew efforts.  These are clearly not the actions of someone with the best interests of the city at heart.
 Mr Mornington discovered that the city of New Babbage is not crushed so easily, however, as most public houses around the city made the best of the situation, setting up cots and caring for citizens through the long winter nights.  Mr Mornington's reaction to this solidarity and ingenuity? To pronounce himself Prime Minister of his own sovereign land.
For my part, I now realize how sloppily put together the initial curfew Night Patrol was, and wish to rectify the situation, whilst it may still be possible.  I have dissolved the original Night Patrol effective immediately, and already sworn in a plethora of new peace officers, young bright-eyed and optimistic officers who wish nothing but to aid and assist this city, to get it back on its feet so that it may be in better condition than it was left by Mayor Tenk, when he ultimately arrives back.  With the cooperation of the citizens, I am certain this investigation can be cleared up in next to no time.
Mornington will pay for his actions when Tenk returns, so I urge citizens to not attempt to take the law into their own hands, and to indulge the assistant mace holder in his delusions until he can be safely dealt with.
Humbly, and with great Humility,
Mr Osgoode Underby, Acting Mayor of the City-State of New Babbage

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