CLOCKS RUNNING SLOW
ACTING MAYOR ASSUAGES CONCERNS
SOME CITIZENS RELIEVED BY MAYOR'S ABSENCE
NEW BABBAGE, NB — Clocks all across the city are running slightly slow today as Mayor Clockwinder M Tenk's extended leave to Falun continues, since all rail travel north of the city is indefinitely interrupted. Telegraph communication has thus far been unable to confirm his current whereabouts.
The Mayor travelled north for his annual visit to relatives on December 24, and was expected back by the Twelfth Day of Christmas, January 5; the massive destruction caused to the tracks in the Fells north of the city made his immediate return impossible. The Tiny Scallion Group, an anarchist organization, has claimed responsibility for the heinous act.
Mr O Underby, acting mayor in lieu of Clockwinder Tenk, was quoted as saying, 'these worries are of course understandable, if somewhat maudlin' and added that Mayor Tenk was 'in no danger whatsoever, he is merely delayed. The clocks will be wound when he returns.' The acting mayor suggested that, in the meantime, citizens might rely more heavily on their pocket watches.
At least one citizen, however, expressed some relief in the mayor's extended leave. One Mr T Harkar was pleased at not having to 'relocate a tram line half a meter to the north, or [make] any other random changes for a while.'
It has been suggested by some that the mayor is presently attempting air travel over the Fells, and his arrival is imminent.